Conversations is a bi-weekly meme hosted by Geraldine @Corralling Books and Joan @ Fiddler Blue. Their meme is where I got the name Conversations from, and I will be using their post topics on the weeks they have them. If you want to join then follow the links, they really are great topics.
I was at a bit of a loss on what to write about today. I feel like my mind has been jumbled between work, money, life, school, and family the past week or so, and I haven’t been able to focus on one thing for longer than a few minutes. For that reason, I felt like the Conversations post this week needed to be important, since it would be taking more of my attention than most things have received for awhile.
With all that being said, I felt like something I really wanted to draw focus to this week was the amount of pure drama that I feel has been a constant in my life and online lately.
By now, I’m fairly certain that most of you have witnessed some form of argument or drama around the book community, specifically on Twitter. This drama has brought to my attention that even the most loving people I know (you biblio’s) aren’t always so loving. I’ve watched the comment sections on blog posts with unpopular opinions go insane with hate. I’ve seen BookTuber’s and Book Bloggers alike get attacked for, honestly, some really stupid crap.
But it’s not all in the book community, or even all online. It’s right in front of me, in real life, and I’ve found myself fairly close to insane about it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so entirely guilty of it, too. There are a few people I will go to so I can talk some mad shit about other people. But in admitting that, I’m recognizing it in myself that it’s not okay. It’s an ugly and dark part of myself that I hate, and maybe we should all analyze that in ourselves, and hate it too.
The honest to God truth is, hate is never okay. Ragging on someone, online and in real life, is never okay. Being mean is never ever okay.
If you’re like me, and find yourself unable to control the mean or hurtful things that are about to come out of your mouth (or typing fingers), try thinking over a few things first:
1.Do you know this person well enough to form an opinion on their life?
This applies especially online. If the most you are hearing from someone is a blog post or 15 minute YouTube video 3-4 times a week, YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO COMMENT ON A PERSON’S LIFE. If you only see someone for a couple hours a week, every once in a while, don’t live with them, eat with them, text them regularly, or have any deciding factor in matters of their life, YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO COMMENT ON ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR LIFE WHATSOEVER.
Because let’s be honest here, you aren’t talking about them out of concern for them when you comment on their lifestyle, you’re just talking shit.
2. Is what you are about to say hurtful or helpful?
If all you have to say about or to someone is something negative and hurtful, keep it to yourself. What is the point in saying something that isn’t helpful? The only reason I can see in saying something rude or hurtful is to make yourself feel better or to purposefully harm someone. Do you honestly want to be the type of person that goes around hurting people for no reason other than to make yourself feel a little bit bigger than them?
3. Check your emotions.
I’m sure you are aware that if you are extremely angry, sad, or just upset, things tend to not come out right when you try to explain yourself. That’s because all you are feeling, whether it be pain or sadness or anger, is clouding your mind. When your emotions take all of your focus, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean. Speaking from a place of anger, will get you nothing but more anger.So check your emotions. And if what you want to say is still there when you’re calm and collected, then see if it’s something that can be said in a helpful manner, or if you should just let it go.
4. Why does what you have to say even matter?
This is probably the most important question to ask yourself because some things are super important and need to be said. For situations that call for someone to speak up, this question will be easy to answer. But for someone who just wants to comment on a YouTube video that the person in the video is ugly and stupid, I would hope that you would have a seriously hard time finding a good reason for thinking that you saying that matters at all.
This is the same in real life. Does it matter all that much that you disagree with someone at work or school? Are you vital to that conversation? Is it important that my friend knows how annoyed I am with the way someone acts, talks, dresses, or carries themselves?
I understand that sometimes opinions are asked for. For instance, I encourage your comments and opinions on these Conversation posts. But when are you contributing and when are you just being rude for no reason?
Words are such a powerful and important thing, and lately I’ve just felt like we are using them for evil. Instead of building others up, we are tearing them down. Instead of enjoying the people around us that we like, we spend time trashing those we don’t care much for. It’s all just felt like a waste of words lately.
What do you think are some ways to be more aware of how you treat people? Do you feel like you should work on your self when it comes to the drama in your life?